Saturday, August 24, 2013

Top 20 signs you’ve been living in Sudan too long …

I recently returned to Europe for a five-week break during the summer holidays. Quite a few faux paus later, I realised just Sudan-ised I'd become in the last 10 months. Whallaiiiii!!!!! (note: some points may have been slightly exaggerated)
  • You annoy all your friends by turning up two hours late for EVERYTHING
  • You keep shouting into your mobile phone even though the connection is good
  • You greet everyone with “keyf, tamaam?” (how are you? Fine?) and become slightly confused  when no-one understands
  • You outrage shopkeepers by trying to negotiate the price
  • Nightclub patrons look at you strangely when you start clicking your fingers at them to encourage their dancing
  • You still can’t bring yourself to wear a halter-neck top
  • You arrive at friends' houses and promptly fall asleep on the nearest bed/couch
  • You still prefer to eat with your hand even at posh dinner parties
  • You pre-fix every sentence with “wallai….” (literally: “I swear to God” or “really?”)
  • You now prefer tea over beer/wine/vodka etc.
  • You keep boring friends with conversations starters like “When I was in Sudan…”
  • You keep wondering why no-one is noticing your existence anymore, in fact you’re even slightly disappointed when the marriage offers dry up
  • You constantly laugh out loud at your own jokes and then attempt to shake people's hands afterwards
  • You horrify everyone when you suggest making pasta sauce with peanut butter
  • You're confused when the bus doesn't stop no matter how loud you click your fingers
  • You half consider paying for the coffees and metro fares of random strangers
  • You constantly wander in to your neighbour's house for a friendly chat without calling ahead first
  • People think you're being aggressive when you greet them by whacking them on the shoulder
  • You keep interrogating random people about their marital status
  • After awhile, you even start missing fuul a bit
Taking my rest ... in every moment