Top 20 signs you’ve been living in Sudan too long …

I recently returned to Europe for a five-week break during the summer holidays. Quite a few faux paus later, I realised just Sudan-ised I'd become in the last 10 months. Whallaiiiii!!!!! (note: some points may have been slightly exaggerated)

• You annoy all your friends by turning up two hours late for EVERYTHING

• You keep shouting into your mobile phone even though the connection is good

• You greet everyone with “keyf, tamaam?” (how are you? Fine?) and become slightly confused  when no-one understands

• You outrage shopkeepers by trying to negotiate the price

• Nightclub patrons look at you strangely when you start clicking your fingers at them to encourage their dancing

• You still can’t bring yourself to wear a halter-neck top

• You arrive at friends' houses and promptly fall asleep on the nearest bed/couch

• You still prefer to eat with your hand even at posh dinner parties

• You pre-fix every sentence with “wallai….” (literally: “I swear to God” or “really?”)

• You now prefer tea over beer/wine/vodka etc.

• You keep boring friends with conversations starters like “When I was in Sudan…”

• You keep wondering why no-one is noticing your existence anymore, in fact you’re even slightly disappointed when the marriage offers dry up

• You constantly laugh out loud at your own jokes and then attempt to shake people's hands afterwards

• You horrify everyone when you suggest making pasta sauce with peanut butter

• You're confused when the bus doesn't stop no matter how loud you click your fingers

• You half consider paying for the coffees and metro fares of random strangers

• You constantly wander in to your neighbour's house for a friendly chat without calling ahead first

• People think you're being aggressive when you greet them by whacking them on the shoulder

• You keep interrogating random people about their marital status

• After awhile, you even start missing fuul a bit

Taking my rest ... in every moment